For those of you who don't know " the look", you are obviously " the lookers".
"The look"can take different forms and can mean different things.....
1. The look of judgement.....
"That's what happens when babies have babies".
"You have more then one father in the picture"
"She's probably on welfare"
2. The look "you'll see one day".....
"You'll see when you have kids"
" you'll see when you have more then one"
" you'll see when they are teenagers"
3. The look of concern .....
"Is that healthy?"
" Is that safe" ?
" Does he do that ALL the time"?
It first happened to me 13 years ago when I was a knocked up 18 year old soon to be single mom. I was in line at a 7 eleven with my roommate and bff getting an "I'm hungry at 11:30 at night" snack, and I was complaining that I was so tired of throwing up all day and all night. The woman in front of us being rung up turned around, looked down at my 7 1/2 month belly, looked back up at me, and simultaneously rolled her eyes and smirked. "The look", número uno.
In a total of 3 seconds she obliterated me. She made me feel less than by a glance. Yes it was my own insecurities about my decisions I had made and the uncertainty about my unborn child's future, that was causing me to scrutinize and judge my own self every passing second. But on top of that, now I had this new shame coming from a stranger buying wet cat food and a $5 scratcher at a corner store at 11:39 at night!!
She turned back around quickly, probably realizing I could see her judging me. She left without looking back.
Some days I wish I had said something or gave her a big 
but in the end it would have justified her idea of me.
I received many looks of judgement throughout the next 2 years. It didn't matter that I had a full time job that supported myself, my child, and my mothers emergency fix it fund, not due to her alcoholism ( wink wink ). People saw what they wanted to see.
Skip ahead a few years and I'm 22 and married. I own a restaurant ( which I waitress and bookkeep 7 days a week), and have 3 kids. I was waitressing one night and it was fairly busy. This couple was eating and they were letting their 3 year old run around the restaurant. This little girl was not only running up to the chef counter, up to people's tables, she almost knocked me over when she slapped me on the leg and screamed "base!!"
I had it!! I walked over to the mom and hinted as politely as I could that if she had her daughter sit down I could bring crayons, paper, rope or something. Then she responded with " the look " número dos.
This look meant you'll see when you have kids how hard it is to make them sit in a restaurant. She pulled her daughter to the table which sent the child into " Kim Kardashian loses her diamond earrings" tantrum. 
"I'm sorry honey but the lady said you need to sit".
The mother glared at me from across the room. I knew what she was thinking " I hate you bitch watch when you have kids!! You have no idea!!!"
Pretty quickly after I took the couple plus one their check. I apologized to the little demon for making her sit down. I let her know that when my 3 kids come to the restaurant I make them sit down too, and maybe next time they would be around and she could meet them.
The mother turned shocked and said "You have three kids!!?! You look so young!!"
CHECK MATE.
The most recent time I've gotten "the look" was when it was just Zoe and I. It's not that I think I look super duper young. I just think I finally look the age where I would have 1 kid ( not four). So naturally people assume Zoe is my only child.
BUT she's not.
I have four kids and I'm tired. I put out fires on the daily. I am constantly trying to keep them from killing each other. I answer questions with screams from another room. I wash clothes like I'm an employee at the Doubletree hotel. I beg for empathy from own children. I'm in survival mode.
So the days when it's just me and Zoe ( 2 days a week the others go with their dad) I'm like a dirty hippie on Pacific Avenue....
No rules.
No schedule.
No stress.
But it turns out that it's not so popular to tie your daughter to a shopping cart with your scarf when the belt is broken. It also not cool to let your one year old be bare foot anywhere except a heroin needle filled park( then it's okay). Also baby talk doesn't go over well. Some time between 13 years ago and now EVERYTHING changed. People give the look any time you are doing something different, out of the box, or simply what works for you.
The third look, Número Tres, is pretty much the worst. It's the "your not doing it right" look.
" Oh you use that brand".
" That's all she's gonna eat?!?!"
" Does she have sunblock on?"
It's the assumption that I have no clue what I'm doing that really gets me. I want to scream to the world I have 4 kids!!! I've been doing this FOREVER.....
But like I said I'm tired. I don't boil bottles anymore. I let her cry. I wait til the diaper have soaked at least a gallon of pee before I change her.
I guess what I'm saying is I no longer care who's looking or how they are looking. I'm doing a fine job. They have survived and so have I. So the next time you feel someone giving you the look let it just roll right off. You got this!! This is your shit!! And if you must close your eyes and look a higher power, he said it best....
No comments:
Post a Comment